Help.. My best friend is ruining her life

[LilMizz]

I met her when we were 11, we've been friends for 10 years now. I've seen her grow up. She is one of the prettiest girls I know, she's got bright green eyes, very fair skin and beautiful hair, she's Pakistani and from a strict Muslim family. Anyway we went our seperate ways briefly for about a year when school ended and I didn't hear from her. When I met her again she was a different person.

She is no longer innocent and she's lost all her personality, all her friends have left her, she's doing pretty badly on her degree and her family have started to suspect things and have beaten her up many times. She ran away once from home and the police got involved. The thing that changed her - she got a boyfriend.

Her family will never accept him because he's not good enough for her. At first I tried to support their relationship, but I realise what he's done to my best friend. Now she has lost her virginity and she is having sex whenever they meet, every day, she tells me they do it in his car, they've done it in her bedroom when her parents went shopping, I don't know where else but they do it a lot. She only calls me to tell me she's done something wrong again, or that she needs help. About 5 times she has called me to tell me she needs the pill but her boyfriend won't get it for her. They don't even use protection anymore. She waits days before she worries that she might be pregnant then she calls me. All the time Im telling her to stop, to leave this guy he's not good for her, to stop having sex and change her life. She says she will, but then she goes and does it anyway!!! One time I dragged her to the pharmacy to make her get the pill. She is too young to be pregnant. Im scared that if she does, then her life will be ruined forever. Her family will kill her probably. I don't know what they would do to her.

She has no other friends anymore. So I feel like I cant leave her to cope on her own. She told me she thought about committing suicide. I think she's going through a depression. But whenever I try to help and I advise her as her friend, I tell her for hours what to do, to make her life better again , she doesn't listen to me. She even got an infection from this guy! And he is Muslim too. How could someone do this to my friend? I used to feel sorry for her because she was so innocent and naive and she got mixed up with the wrong guy, but now I think she doesn't want to be helped. She just wants to be with this guy - who doesn't care if she gets pregnant and fails her degree and if her family beat her or kick her out. All he wants is sex. They are both sex maniacs. Me and my other friend don't know what to do to help her.

Should we leave her on her own? Or be there for her to help her? Sometimes I wonder if maybe that same old girl I met when I was 11 is still there somewhere, my old best friend. But she is a different person now. She always talking about men and which ones she thinks is good looking and how to impress them blah blah - even though she has a boyfriend. What's wrong with her? What do I do???????

[naztheman]

Sorry to say but your friend sounds like a bit of a scumbag. I say leave her to it. She reaps what she sows.

If she ruins her life, she has nobody but herself to blame.

Your better of without a friend like that.

Worry about yourself and get on with your own life.

[Luto]

I actually think u need to do wat u can to make her see sense and turn her life around. However, if she fails to heed your advice then theres not much more u can do but leave her be.

Btw, this guy ur mate is seeing, needs the proverbial *crap* kicked out of him. Seems like he's really manipulated her and messed her up. Of course its her fault too for letting it happen - she should know better. But anyway, the guy needs beats!

[naztheman]

btw you mention she's a sex maniac? Have you got her number?

[Chief]

Originally Posted by naztheman

btw you mention she's a sex maniac? Have you got her number?

Is there ever a time where you think of anything else other than sex?

[ALCHEM]

Originally Posted by Chief

Is there ever a time where you think of anything else other than sex?

I would hope, when he is watching a male boxing fight

[naztheman]

Originally Posted by Chief

Is there ever a time where you think of anything else other than sex?

....just trying my luck!

[Chief]

Originally Posted by naztheman

....just trying my luck!

...And that makes you no different from the girl you are calling a "scumbag". Don't throw nails when your walking bare footed.

[naztheman]

come on chief can you not see it as a joke?! man your touchy these days!

[Jay_Khan786]

From what you have said it seems as though your mate likes the position shes in. I have no sympathy for someone who not only doesn't have respect for herself but also her family. Be harsh with her, tell her to change her ways or lose another friend. Sometimes its better to be harsh in order for someone to understand.

[*~Phoenix~*]

Anyway..

I think you should seriously sit down and talk to your friend and try give her attention and support as much as you can, and make her see the error of her ways.. Make her get on the contraceptive pill if she doesn't wish to stop her sexual antics!

If she doesn't take heed your advice, then I'm afraid all you can do is pray that she learns in her own way. But if she is depressed then she needs to realise it for herself before you can give her any kind of help.

You seem like a really good friend. I hope everything works out for her. Wish you all the best.

[Sister_A]

Lol Naz! Bad timing and thread to make a joke..

LilMizz...

Very sad to hear about your friend. I'm not even going to cmment on her situation or that guy.
But don't leave her, the worst thing u can do is to just leaver her.

I mean just by you being there, someone she can call, would mean alot to her.

don't leave someone alone in that situation.

Its going to take something BIG to make her see sense, it wont hit her yet, but she will realsie one day.

And you need to be her support/help.

Just do what your doing- advise her, be there.

Sometimes u may think your not doing anything when really you are...

End of day, the girls gone to the extreme of thinking about suicide, shes lost respect from family, her uni going crap, she lost her virginty, so she probably is at a very low stage and feels there is nothing to keep her going or happy.

Can u get her to join this forum?

[ALCHEM]

i highly doubt she will join the forum after all her dirty linen has banded about in AF

maybe lilmizz is her

[ABZ-82]

Originally Posted by naztheman

btw you mention she's a sex maniac? Have you got her number?

classic.

[ABZ-82]

Originally Posted by LilMizz

I met her when we were 11, we've been friends for 10 years now. I've seen her grow up. She is one of the prettiest girls I know, she's got bright green eyes, very fair skin and beautiful hair, she's Pakistani and from a strict Muslim family. Anyway we went our seperate ways briefly for about a year when school ended and I didn't hear from her. When I met her again she was a different person.

She is no longer innocent and she's lost all her personality, all her friends have left her, she's doing pretty badly on her degree and her family have started to suspect things and have beaten her up many times. She ran away once from home and the police got involved. The thing that changed her - she got a boyfriend.

Her family will never accept him because he's not good enough for her. At first I tried to support their relationship, but I realise what he's done to my best friend. Now she has lost her virginity and she is having sex whenever they meet, every day, she tells me they do it in his car, they've done it in her bedroom when her parents went shopping, I don't know where else but they do it a lot. She only calls me to tell me she's done something wrong again, or that she needs help. About 5 times she has called me to tell me she needs the pill but her boyfriend won't get it for her. They don't even use protection anymore. She waits days before she worries that she might be pregnant then she calls me. All the time Im telling her to stop, to leave this guy he's not good for her, to stop having sex and change her life. She says she will, but then she goes and does it anyway!!! One time I dragged her to the pharmacy to make her get the pill. She is too young to be pregnant. Im scared that if she does, then her life will be ruined forever. Her family will kill her probably. I don't know what they would do to her.

She has no other friends anymore. So I feel like I cant leave her to cope on her own. She told me she thought about committing suicide. I think she's going through a depression. But whenever I try to help and I advise her as her friend, I tell her for hours what to do, to make her life better again , she doesn't listen to me. She even got an infection from this guy! And he is Muslim too. How could someone do this to my friend? I used to feel sorry for her because she was so innocent and naive and she got mixed up with the wrong guy, but now I think she doesn't want to be helped. She just wants to be with this guy - who doesn't care if she gets pregnant and fails her degree and if her family beat her or kick her out. All he wants is sex. They are both sex maniacs. Me and my other friend don't know what to do to help her.

Should we leave her on her own? Or be there for her to help her? Sometimes I wonder if maybe that same old girl I met when I was 11 is still there somewhere, my old best friend. But she is a different person now. She always talking about men and which ones she thinks is good looking and how to impress them blah blah - even though she has a boyfriend. What's wrong with her? What do I do???????

Love, kinda best if you step away cuz theres not much you can do, as a friend you've done enough, but your friend isnt gonna listen, theres no sense in blaming the guy either, it takes 2 people to tango, know what i mean?

when its time, she'll realise she has to change, but thats only when its "time", no amount of persuasion will convince her different, but as towards her behaviour, well thats simple, some youngsters tend to define thier lives through a pattern of events or behaviour, some strive on bettering themselves in hopes of becoming successful, whereas a majority of asian girls, especially in todays times, define thier lives by living as a victim, striving on sympathy. thier whole lives only make sense to them when its on a downward spiral.

so trust me, let her do as she likes, cuz its gonna hurt you when she wont listen, and it'll hurt more watching her spiral out of control......... even more.

also, dont buy into that whole "my family beat me" shit, ive heard it so many times from so many women, and in the end it turns out that she mouthed off to her family or nothing really happened.

[Chief]

Originally Posted by naztheman

come on chief can you not see it as a joke?! man your touchy these days!

Crap joke.

[JIN]

a friend from a young age is som1 very special.. its a person who we grow up with and dnt want to see hurt.... however like in ur situation people change... people develop habbits... and some people just cant be helped directly. i think you should stick with her...perhaps not lecture her so much (she wont listen anyway) go the slow route. when she comes to you for help. show her, her mistake. and if she does the same mistake twice dnt help her.. after a while she'll learn it was a mistake on her own. these people learn best on there own. without help. they pretend they need help for the attention and comfort. they dnt use that help to reform, just to make them selves feel better for the tym being. ... my advise is... step back.. and give minimal help.

end of the day non of us know her as well as you do... these advises are all based on what you wrote. you should go throu all the advise ppl have posted here an go with the one that you think will work the best...

inshallah all goes well

[~summaya~]

I think she's only going to learn herself theres only soo much you can tell someone until they'll learn from their own mistakers... you can always be there give advice etc byt she has to see sense, and if she dont that means she dont want to change for the better.

firstly yes you should be there for support showing her the light at the end of the tunnel, she needs to sort out her depression go to the G.p get diagnosed thats if its IS depression.
I cant tell whether she has got genuine family problems or she wants to rebel/ whether parents are too strict.

If she wants to resolve the family issue/problems she needs to get rid f that boyfriend if he's no good for her in the long term and is using and abusing her, but it seems like a two way thing a cycle where she's stuck.
Another thing DEFINETLEY if she's lost her virginity tell her to stop sleeping around as a muslim because the sin she's committing if she dont stop advice her to use contraception/morning after pill ... God forbid she gets pregnant and has to have an abortion would add to more problemos!

i dont understand the problem with some girls they chase around after IDIOT guys..which end up harming them in the long run and in the end lose their virginity to them...when they know they'll be hurt in the long run its aryt for some of the guys they just get off but it leads to issues. its not always the act itself of losing their v. but the relationships they enter.
Be cautous girls!!

anyways do your best to support her and be their as a good friend , but theres no hope for better unless she's willing to change.
Hope her situation improves.x

[Megatron]

Her parents should send her back to Pakistan, to some remote village and marry her to a Breh with a silky Tashce and greasy hair, let her work on the farm, that should soon straighten her out... I joke btw.

Serious note, That guy should be ashamed of himself, wonder how he would react if it was his sister being banged every time some guy got a urge. Best way I think is, you should talk to her and make her realise that shes become some sex object, shes lost her dignity, respect and modesty and even her family. Make her feel she has hit rock bottom and highlight in sucha a way, that next man has ruined her. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody sins, but it can all change around, aslong as what changes in the head.

We dont know her aswel as you do, Suss out her weak point and expose it, to a stage where she wants to make a change herself.

Through time, Id give the solution of Islam to her. You could talk to her about how Islam gave woman so much honour nd respect, she doesnt have to slag about or have multiple boyfriends.

[Saaya]

The fact that you're friend contacts you to tell you when she's done something bad shows she knows she's done wrong which means she might want to change but fears if she stops doing what she's doing she wont have the attention she's been getting? She's lucky she has you and perhaps she needs to be reminded of that.

I think in some cases you have to do something a little more than just advising to make what they're doing really hit home. She seems to come to you when she's in a slight tight spot so seeks you to fix it and sees that you don't protest to much so continues to do it?

Perhaps you need to distance yourself from her slightly, don't accept her so easily when she comes running. If she notices you have distanced yourself from her and she comments on it try talking to her. Tell her how you once knew someone who was a certain way and now has changed, talk about all the things your friend has done and how you're worried about this person but don't once say its her you're talking about. Tell her how it all makes you feel and see what she has to say. If there is no sense of remorse in her then I don't think she'll be willing to change now and you may just have to distance yourself from her and pray she sees the light soon.
If she doesn't notice then maybe there's no more you can do now.
I don't know your friend nor know what she's like so I don't mean any offence by what I've said and Insh'Allah things work out soon

[shazx]

sometimes tough love is what is needed...don't be so easily available for her..like what saaya said...maybe distancing yourself from her will make her realize or give her a little strength to stop and just think..
sometimes you can give her all the advise in the world...but she has to have the want and need to change for herself..its all down to her will power and most importantly how bad she wants it!

i hope your mate gets her life together soon..and doesn't end up a lost cause

[Toy]

Tell her you're pregnant and that your family have kicked you out and the guy done a runner as soon as he found out you're pregnant. I'm not trying to imply you're anything like her but its just an idea to scare her into changing her ways.

[naztheman]

better still, tell her your banging her boyfriend also!

[lil Mullah]

Interesting!

[AAA]

It's really your choice but bear this in mind:

If people come to you for help it's because Allah has made you a worthy source of help.

[fox]

Originally Posted by AAA

It's really your choice but bear this in mind:

If people come to you for help it's because Allah has made you a worthy source of help.

Fox likes this comment.

Whether you chose to help a friend is another story. But if u are a true friend to her, you will NOT leave her on her vulnerable own.

[Kam]

Originally Posted by fox

Fox likes this comment.

Whether you chose to help a friend is another story. But if u are a true friend to her, you will NOT leave her on her vulnerable own.

I disagree. If you've done all you can and people don't change their ways leave them to it and let them come to their own senses. By all means, be there for them when they do wake up to the harsh realities of their circumstances, but you can't help somebody who doesn't really want to be helped.

[fox]

I meant you should not break friendship and should be there for her when she needs it. That's if you are a true friend.

A true friend is like two sisters who will not break ties. You can also have friendships like that. Talking from experience, where there was a same situation like the one of lilmzz. You may let her get on with her life but will be there to help her if she genuinely needs it.

People who are left alone by themselves usually commit suicide or self distruct.

[Kam]

Originally Posted by fox

I meant you should not break friendship and should be there for her when she needs it. That's if you are a true friend.

A true friend is like two sisters who will not break ties. You can also have friendships like that. Talking from experience, where there was a same situation like the one of lilmzz. You may let her get on with her life but will be there to help her if she genuinely needs it.

People who are left alone by themselves usually commit suicide or self distruct.

Yeah, I agree with that. The thing about her friend is that she's already down the path of self-destruction and won't see sense. Her mate knows what's good from bad, she needs to find some strength to reject the bad and accept what's good.


I remember a story my teacher told me about learning to swim. When she was a little girl in Bangladesh, her nana would take her into the middle of the river, holding onto a bamboo pole so she could paddle and build up strength in her legs. They did this day after day but she still couldn't swim. One day he took her out as normal, and when she was in the middle of the river he yanked the pole from her grasp. She panicked but when she realised she had to swim or drown she started trashing her arms and made it to shore. She told me she was thankful to her nana for that lesson.

[Tzar]

She is basically the local whore? Nice.

[Kam]

Originally Posted by Tzar

She is basically the local whore? Nice.

Tzar, please watch your language on the forum. This is the second example I've seen of inappropriate language from you: http://www.asianforum.co.uk/forums/s...3&postcount=23

[Tzar]

Originally Posted by Kam

Tzar, please watch your language on the forum. This is the second example I've seen of inappropriate language from you: http://www.asianforum.co.uk/forums/s...3&postcount=23

The link. If you look I did say "gtfo" I was asked to explain what it meant.

For this post well it was the first thing that came to my mind which is how I see it and I'm sure many others see it like that too. If you see it as inapropiate then I'm sorry you feel like that.

[Kam]

Originally Posted by Tzar

The link. If you look I did say "gtfo" I was asked to explain what it meant.

For this post well it was the first thing that came to my mind which is how I see it and I'm sure many others see it like that too. If you see it as inapropiate then I'm sorry you feel like that.

The link: I did see the abbreviation but there was really no need for the explanation.

The post: I appreciate that you had a strong reaction to what was posted about this individual but there are ways of expressing those reactions that are appropriate and ways that are not.

This is just a reminder of AF rules: http://www.asianforum.co.uk/forums/s...ead.php?t=4370

[Tzar]

Originally Posted by Kam

The link: I did see the abbreviation but there was really no need for the explanation.

The post: I appreciate that you had a strong reaction to what was posted about this individual but there are ways of expressing those reactions that are appropriate and ways that are not.

This is just a reminder of AF rules: http://www.asianforum.co.uk/forums/s...ead.php?t=4370

Thanks.

[FABS]

Theres not much you can do but I can see this ending badly

Try getting her on the regular pill so theres NO CHANCE that she can get pregnant
at least that would be one less thing to worry about

When this ends you could be there to help pick up the pieces otherwise not much you can do
sorry for not being much help

[naztheman]

Kam and Tzar, please get back on topic. Thanking you kindly.

Although i do have to say i agree with Tzar's original comment about this girl being the local "ehem"......

[Chief]

Originally Posted by Tzar

The link. If you look I did say "gtfo" I was asked to explain what it meant.

For this post well it was the first thing that came to my mind which is how I see it and I'm sure many others see it like that too. If you see it as inapropiate then I'm sorry you feel like that.

It's not the first time you've been warned about your posts.

[Chief]

Originally Posted by Tzar

She is basically the local whore? Nice.

Originally Posted by naztheman

Kam and Tzar, please get back on topic. Thanking you kindly.

Although i do have to say i agree with Tzar's original comment about this girl being the local "ehem"......

It's funny how you guys are so dismissive of someone elses turmoil and glad to let her fall to the gutters. It's easy to label a person disgusting names and look down upon them like they are dirt on your shoe.

I'm sure your views and consideration would be completely different if you were revealed the same story with it being in regards to your younger sister, may Allah protect them if you have any. I'm sure you would be doing everything in your capability to bring your sister back on track, help her through her problems and try to guide her along the right path. You would protect her from society and be wary of protecting her privacy and warding off any vultures from the outside ready for a quick cheap dig.

At the end of the day, this girl is a sister to us regardless of what her actions are. After reading the story, I was truly saddened to the point where you get that sinking feeling inside your heart for a few moments. I could see what kind of mess the girl was in. It's a vicious cycle which gathers momentum like a fire being fueled. In this situation, the shaitan is fueling the fire. I read the story and started thinking for a few minutes and then left the thread. I had nothing productive to say at the time of reading so decided to say nothing at all. If we can't help someone, then it's best not to push that person deeper into trouble with silly remarks.

[fox]

Tzar you could have used the word nympho instead then no need for the conflict with the mods. lol

Anyways this is an advice section so just give some advice back man.

[Jay_Khan786]

Originally Posted by Chief

It's funny how you guys are so dismissive of someone elses turmoil and glad to let her fall to the gutters. It's easy to label a person disgusting names and look down upon them like they are dirt on your shoe.

I'm sure your views and consideration would be completely different if you were revealed the same story with it being in regards to your younger sister, may Allah protect them if you have any. I'm sure you would be doing everything in your capability to bring your sister back on track, help her through her problems and try to guide her along the right path. You would protect her from society and be wary of protecting her privacy and warding off any vultures from the outside ready for a quick cheap dig.

At the end of the day, this girl is a sister to us regardless of what her actions are. After reading the story, I was truly saddened to the point where you get that sinking feeling inside your heart for a few moments. I could see what kind of mess the girl was in. It's a vicious cycle which gathers momentum like a fire being fueled. In this situation, the shaitan is fueling the fire. I read the story and started thinking for a few minutes and then left the thread. I had nothing productive to say at the time of reading so decided to say nothing at all. If we can't help someone, then it's best not to push that person deeper into trouble with silly remarks.

Very nicely put Chief and after reading your post I reconsidered what I had originally posted which was neither helpful to the person who had posted or her mate. Next time I will think twice before posting a reply on such matters, your right when you say either give words of advice and try help or keep your mouth shut.

Apologies to the poster...